Tag: thoracic spine

Testimony

This is my Testimony that I wrote a number of months ago. It has actually been 3 years and 4 months since my surgery but I wanted to post this because I had not done so before:

Recently, I started thinking that almost 2 years ago I had a life changing surgery. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was actually almost 3 years. I couldn’t believe that time had just slipped by so quickly. So, on March 1st 2016 it will be 3 years since I was released from a living hell of a crippling illness. Everyone knows HOPE is everything, but sometimes no matter how you look at it, HOPE seems to be nowhere. After having lower back surgery, I inexplicably began to have trouble walking. I had a severely dropped foot, constant nerve pain, and a partially paralyzed leg. HOPE began to slip away after exhausting all tests and follow up MRIs, even 2nd opinions, only to be told, “We just don’t understand what is wrong with you. We have never seen something like this before.” Each morning I would awake with hope that a miracle happened and somehow I was getting better. But as soon as the realization came that nothing had changed and I was even worse, an incredible despair and hopelessness would engulf me. There were so many days that I wanted to just give up but I kept saying, “Maybe things will be better tomorrow. If you are thinking of offing yourself, put it off until tomorrow and see.” By employing that tactic, I managed to stay in this world to see a miracle happen. I have no doubt that this miracle was from my persistence and constantly not taking NO for an answer, a doctor who actually sat down to think about my symptoms, and God. I don’t think I would have gotten better if all of these factors were not aligned. By God’s grace one of my doctors ordered another MRI and found the culprit, a benign spinal tumor compressing a portion of my thoracic spine. Faith is a beautiful thing and when life is going well, it is easy to have it. The true test of faith is when life is life—when you feel that all hope is gone and you cannot see your way out. So many people are waiting for a white light and burning bush to prove the existence of God, when He is there all along. I believe my horrendous experience was necessary to bring me to my knees and start believing. I do not think this was an accident and that there are no coincidences in God’s world. God was working in my life for a long time before I noticed it, even meeting Joyce and Bill, who introduced me to their church. If my son had not had the breakdown, I never would’ve met them. I think God was patiently waiting for me, only I needed the experiences I endured to discover Him. I still pray and pray for my boy, and sometimes, when I am in a bad space, I wonder if God is really listening. Then I remember I must have faith, which equals hope, which equals life. I do not know what the future holds, and I must remember that I am not in charge. It is when I turn things over to Him that I achieve that elusive gift of peace and serenity that I am constantly seeking.

Surgery Log 2013 – Massage and balance

February 8, 2013

I have been doing some massages lately. It is literally a balancing act. I find when I take my shoes off, I have better balance. But today I had a hot stone massage and I was worried since yesterday. First of all, I have to fill up the cooker, which entails bringing it to the sink and carrying it back. I had to ask one of the other therapists to do this for me. Then during the massage, I was nervous that I would lose my balance and fall in the room because you have to go back and forth to get the stones. It is much easier just doing a straight massage. I almost lost my balance once and it scared me to pieces but I caught myself in time. The whole massage I prayed over and over that I would not fall and I didn’t but I got out and told the receptionist to not book any hot stones for me at all until I am better. I saw the original doctor that I saw back in September and he actually took at lot of time to offer me some solutions. In addition, he is willing to explore more and thinks (as I do) that maybe, just maybe, the surgeon did not get all the areas decompressed. This is why he ordered a new MRI (I hope the insurance company pays for it) of the thoracic spine. I also still think that S1 is involved and he agrees. The surgeon I went to a few days ago told me there was nothing he could do but agreed to look at the MRI disk. As of this day, he has not done so. I need the disk to bring to my appointment with the new surgeon. Prior to the other appointment I was already planning to be told nothing further could be done, but he at least suggested that my weird symptoms in my stomach and back could be coming from the Thoracic spine. Sometimes it seems that I am getting very, very, slightly better (the belly does not feel as bad tonight) and my walking seems slightly better. Nobody at the spa has any idea that I feel so bad and that it is a miracle that I am able to do any massage at all. They say, “So, you’re back.” And I say, “just on a very limited basis.” I feel like a charity case when I am there and I get the impression that one of the new girls resents me. This little bit of work may dry up soon if the bookings don’t pick up, so we’ll see. I also have to try to believe that I will get better, eventually. But for today, I have to accept the way I am (but just for today). Tomorrow I have to tell myself the same thing; one day at a time.