12/13/12 – Thursday – I seem to feel OK this morning as far as side effects, but of course the pain and numbness it still present. I don’t know what I was expecting—-maybe a miraculous recovery, but I feel really sore this morning. I will take the other pills today and see what develops. Later in the morning my resolve breaks and I just feel like enough is enough regarding the intense pressure and numbness in the abdomen and back. I start out by saying that this is ridiculous, and it builds up to a full-blown meltdown, complete with ranting, raving, vows of suicide and calling the doctor’s office yet again. Of course they have to take a message because there is no way to actually get someone on the phone immediately. The nurse finally calls and says she spoke with the surgeon who said I need to get another MRI (hopefully the insurance company will pay for this) before my Monday follow-up visit to see if there is anything wrong. At least she is on the same page as I am because that is what I was going to suggest. No MRIs are done in their facility on Fridays so I have to get it done somewhere else. In the meantime, I have to get blood work done downtown at University Hospital, which makes me nervous to drive there. But, I finally make it after getting a little lost and I am proud of myself for keeping calm. The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow on N. Belair Road, which is easy to find, right in Evans. I’m not sure if I want it to show something drastically wrong (sponge left in, or bone out of place, or more narrowing) to explain why I have made basically no progress. If everything is as it should be then it is even more discouraging because there is no explanation as to why I still feel these horrible symptoms. On the other hand, if there is something drastically out of the norm, then it would at least give me hope that this can be corrected. There it is again, that word HOPE. If they keep telling me that I just have to be patient, then I will lose all hope. I need HOPE at this point to continue on. I simply cannot or will not continue to live my life as half a person. An old friend once told me that his wife had back surgery years ago and she just would not get better. They did an MRI and discovered to their horror that a sponge had been left in. She then collected a huge sum of money in a settlement. That has stuck with me and who knows? I am not looking to collect money (although that would not be so bad)—-I am just looking to feel better. Nobody knows how terrible it is to wake up every morning and have pressure and numbness in your belly, back, and legs with no end in sight. Nobody knows how devastating and frustrating it is when there are no answers in sight and your whole world is rapidly going down the toilet. I pray to God for help but God helps in his time, not mine. Please Lord please get on the same page as me. Thanks.