12/14/12 – Friday – I wake up the same as usual, no change. I am still having the numbness, tingling and burning, which is so depressing. I am trying to maintain some sanity today so I put my back brace on and it feels a little better. It somehow alleviates the pressure on my belly when I wear that. In the meantime, I will have the MRI today.
12/15/12 – Saturday – I had the MRI with contrast yesterday and that was uneventful. I then went to Walmart and the numbness, burning, and tingling in my legs was almost unbearable. I learned from the Internet that this is actually a form of pain, but not in the traditional sense; it is NERVE pain. It is almost if not more unbearable than regular pain, as most people know it. I keep saying, “Well at least I’m not in pain. I just have the numbness.” But this is not the usual numbness that I originally had, it is a deep, searing, burning, numbness and is a type of pain. Yesterday I finally identified this as a “burning” sensation. It is horrible. In reading over my entries I see that I have had days where I was not feeling bad at all since the surgery. I don’t understand why I felt better in the beginning, right after the surgery, than I do now. Also, every so often I feel a lot better and my leg is stronger. I don’t understand why the numbness seems less and then the next day or even later on in the day, I am back to the same burning, tingling, numbness as usual. Maybe it is a good sign that it occasionally abates, but I am at a loss. Last night I was absolutely convinced that the doctor screwed up and injured my spinal nerve which is why I am not progressing much or even at all. But I am resolving today to just accept this day as it is because I have no control of anything at all at this point until Monday when the doctor can review my MRI. I spoke with Jane last night who said that the MRI with contrast will absolutely show everything that is going on. If there is a problem, it will show. I don’t want to have to go back into surgery but if there is something wrong and it is pressing on the nerve, I will do whatever it takes to get better. I’m going to try to be free from self-pity today. We’ll see how that goes. It is amazing how a small bit of improvement can cause such elation so maybe if I can look for something that has gotten better I will have a better day. I will keep praying.
Later in the day: I decided to not take the ibuprofen because it doesn’t seem to work on nerve pain. It works great on regular pain, but it definitely does not stop the numbness and tingling. All of a sudden, the symptoms seemed less. Maybe it has something to do with me going to Starbucks (I’m going broke) and just “relaxing” as much as I am capable, but I felt a lot better both physically and mentally. I then took a dose of the Gabapentin which is for nerve pain. I don’t know but maybe I feel a tad bit less terrible. I will take another one tonight before bed and who knows, maybe, just maybe, I will see some progress.