Patience – 12/1/12 – Saturday – I start on the steroids and it seems like I am walking better. Maybe it is wishful thinking, but it carries me through the day. I go with Stacey to see a 20 year old parrot whose owner needs to give away. The bird is super precious and we stay at the house schmoozing with the owner while she decides if she will take the bird. She does, as I knew she would, and my day is really good; the best I’ve had in a while. I don’t know if I’m walking better due to the good feeling I have about the rescue, but I’ll take it.
12/3/12 – Monday – It is 1 year since Joseph’s total meltdown and a day before Aaron’s 9th birthday. I wake up the usual way and have my usual meltdown. Then I get myself together to go to the doctor for my cosmetic procedure. Yes, it was expensive, but I need to feel good about myself, after all. If that’s what it takes, then I will do it. I go to Starbucks to work on laptop and drink my expensive latte but again, it makes me feel better, and God knows I need anything to improve my mood. I am beginning to think that I will have to go on permanent disability. I read something on the Internet that gives me some hope. It says that it may take up to 3 months for pain to resolve and if one has numbness, it is even longer for the nerve to heal; possibly up to a year. So, at this point I have to be patient; ha! I resolve to be patient and practice acceptance but I still wish I would at least see at least a smidgeon of improvement to give me hope. I don’t know if I will go to the annual Christmas party at Evans on Thursday because everyone will be asking me how I am. When they see me with the cane, and I explain how I really am, they turn away and say, “Oh I’m sorry.” I absolutely cannot stand pity. I want to hear something positive like, “Don’t worry, it will get better, you’ll see.” But, they don’t know any better than to offer their condolences. When people ask you how you’re doing, you know they don’t want to hear anything negative and when you actually start telling them, their eyes cloud over and they drift away because they REALLY DO NOT CARE. My decision will be made on that day whether or not I will go, depending on how I feel (physically and mentally).