Surgery Log 2013 – Acupuncture

Tuesday – January 22, 2013

I had acupuncture yesterday and for some reason, I felt horrendous by the evening. My pain level was super, duper high and I cried. I took Gabapentin about 3 in the morning and woke up woozy, dizzy, and wobbly. It took me forever to get myself out of the house but when I did, I began to feel decent. I don’t know what it was, but maybe it was the acupuncture and it just takes time to see the results. I also sent a letter to my orthopedic doctor for him to possibly sign off on a parking decal for me. It shocks everyone that the NS would not do this for me. So far, no response at all. I also called a pain management doctor that Claudia (adapted aquatics director at the Y) told me about. She wants to hire me as a massage therapist but I told her I just cannot commit to this because of my physical status at this point. Laurie wants me to go back too and I am actually going to do a service this Saturday; hopefully I won’t have any problems at all. But, could I do this on a regular basis, NO. It is amazing how much better you feel when your pain level is not too bad. I say, “Not too bad” because it is never gone, but sometimes it is tolerable. Then I feel almost elated. I also sometimes can walk halfway decently but I am still nervous to go outside without the cane. Maybe I will get better. I have that appointment for a second opinion with Michael’s doctor she used for her back surgery (after someone in Augusta Back screwed up her original surgery). I am not holding any high hopes but I wish that he would at least run possibly a CT scan or something to find out if there is indeed a problem. I don’t know, but I hope that God doesn’t let me down. I want to get out from under this nightmare and live some sort of life again.

Surgery Log 2013 – Jan 15 – Pain level off charts

January 15, 2013 – Tuesday

For some reason, my pain level on Sunday was off the charts. No matter what I did or took, I could not get it to abate. But by Monday, it felt a bit better, maybe because I took a Gabapentin for the nerve pain. However, that halfway decent feeling did not last. I saw the famous pain management doctor who proceeded to rattle off, in a very stiff and uncompassionate way, all my options. He didn’t even call me Marilyn—he called me Ma’am. He basically told me why nerve blocks, steroid injections, etc. will not work for the problems I have. He did, however, give me a prescription for Lyrica, a new drug for nerve pain and send me back to the original doctor who did my steroid injections. I took the drug last night and experienced dizziness (a side effect) until early this morning, but it seemed to lessen the nerve pain a bit. The dizziness wore off completely about an hour after I was up, so maybe that was not so bad. What amazed me was that there was a total lack of empathy on his part. What happened to the art of the bedside manner? I just don’t remember doctors being so aloof and distant when I was a child. Now you call the office and you NEVER get through to the actual doctor, just the nurse, who relays (supposedly) the message to the surgeon. Since my surgery 2 months ago, I have seen the surgeon exactly 1 time and that is it—pretty sad! I submitted a letter to the surgeon and the nurse (more for me to vent than anything) telling them how shocked I was with their determination that I was “work ready.” I sure don’t expect any kind of response at all and I am not even sure if the surgeon ever got the letter at all. But, I felt better. I had a massage today too but felt very mentally bad afterwards. The reason is that I just had to admit that I may never return to that line of work at all. I cannot ever see that happening because you have to be physically able and I am not at all. I also met someone I knew at the Y who is the epitome of physical fitness. She was aghast to see me meandering slowly with my cane out the door so she wanted the scoop. I told her my sad story and she said she has been advised to undergo spinal surgery due to constant pain in her legs and arms, etc. I said she should think long and hard about that because back surgery is really hit or miss. There is an alarmingly high percentage of failed back surgeries (Post-laminectomy syndrome) where the patient has no relief or is even worse off than before. I think I fall into the latter category. If I had known this I never would have had this surgery. Now I just have to try to find a way to get better, or at least accept this hand that God has dealt me.

Surgery Log 2012 – Pain and numbness

12/13/12 – Thursday – I seem to feel OK this morning as far as side effects, but of course the pain and numbness it still present. I don’t know what I was expecting—-maybe a miraculous recovery, but I feel really sore this morning. I will take the other pills today and see what develops. Later in the morning my resolve breaks and I just feel like enough is enough regarding the intense pressure and numbness in the abdomen and back. I start out by saying that this is ridiculous, and it builds up to a full-blown meltdown, complete with ranting, raving, vows of suicide and calling the doctor’s office yet again. Of course they have to take a message because there is no way to actually get someone on the phone immediately. The nurse finally calls and says she spoke with the surgeon who said I need to get another MRI (hopefully the insurance company will pay for this) before my Monday follow-up visit to see if there is anything wrong. At least she is on the same page as I am because that is what I was going to suggest. No MRIs are done in their facility on Fridays so I have to get it done somewhere else. In the meantime, I have to get blood work done downtown at University Hospital, which makes me nervous to drive there. But, I finally make it after getting a little lost and I am proud of myself for keeping calm. The MRI is scheduled for tomorrow on N. Belair Road, which is easy to find, right in Evans. I’m not sure if I want it to show something drastically wrong (sponge left in, or bone out of place, or more narrowing) to explain why I have made basically no progress. If everything is as it should be then it is even more discouraging because there is no explanation as to why I still feel these horrible symptoms. On the other hand, if there is something drastically out of the norm, then it would at least give me hope that this can be corrected. There it is again, that word HOPE. If they keep telling me that I just have to be patient, then I will lose all hope. I need HOPE at this point to continue on. I simply cannot or will not continue to live my life as half a person. An old friend once told me that his wife had back surgery years ago and she just would not get better. They did an MRI and discovered to their horror that a sponge had been left in. She then collected a huge sum of money in a settlement. That has stuck with me and who knows? I am not looking to collect money (although that would not be so bad)—-I am just looking to feel better. Nobody knows how terrible it is to wake up every morning and have pressure and numbness in your belly, back, and legs with no end in sight. Nobody knows how devastating and frustrating it is when there are no answers in sight and your whole world is rapidly going down the toilet. I pray to God for help but God helps in his time, not mine. Please Lord please get on the same page as me. Thanks.