Tag Archives: hell

Inauguration Day 2021

I watched the Inauguration of Joe Biden yesterday and was emotional. For the first time in 4 years, I actually had a feeling of hopefulness rather than hopelessness. I was literally breathless during the swearing in ceremonies of Biden and Harris. I had hope again in our country, in this administration, in our leaders at the top. This does not mean that we are out of the woods by any means—we will still have the white supremacists committing violent acts or at least trying to. The one who shall not be named will still be an inciter but at least he won’t be the inciter in chief. We won’t have to listen to his incessant lies and rhetoric each day and know that many brain-washed people in our country believe it. It was such a pleasure to turn on the TV this morning and not see his face, spewing forth falsehoods, insisting—like a petulant 5-year-old–that he “won the election, big!” Yesterday, they happened to play a clip for Trump’s final farewell speech and I literally had to mute it.

After 4 years of this horror show, I have PTSD. I think the reason I cried during the Inauguration was that I realized that I don’t have to hold my breath anymore. I never really realized that I had been holding my breath for 4 years until I was able to let it out. I watched The View this morning and Whoopie actually said exactly what I am saying here. Each morning I would turn on the TV with trepidation and think, “What has he done today to undermine the United States. What has he tweeted about today to enflame his so called “base”? Then I would see almost every day there was a crisis of his making or that he somehow sided with Putin on almost everything. His Russian buddy, Putin, could do anything and Trump would never say a word or just outright deny that he was to blame. Whatever it was, I was angry every day and couldn’t get past it. I could never fathom why this guy and his grifter family got away with everything.

It is such a relief to see competence being restored to the White House. Biden’s cabinet picks are not just white men, they are a cross section of what this country actually looks like—white, black, Asian, Latino, American Indian, Indian, etc. And these are competent people and not just the sycophants Trump installed because of their loyalty to him. It is amazing how we will have an Attorney General (Merrick Garland) who is America’s lawyer not just the personal lawyer to the president. It will be amazing to see that our new President will not interfere with the DOJ. It will be amazing to have a President who does not lead by Tweet.

There are too many atrocities that have been committed by the worst and most corrupt President and administration in history to name–I would be writing forever. In spite of that, he could’ve gotten out with at least a little bit of dignity. But instead, he had to invent “The Big Lie” and spread it far and wide, gaining political traction within the Republican party. They knew better that Biden won fair and square, but their political aspirations came before country and shame on them for that. This guy’s refusal to accept defeat, instead trying to disenfranchise millions of voters in mostly black communities, was so egregious and shows what a racist and small, petty man he is. Not once did he ever express empathy for the 400 thousand people who have died thus far from this Covid-19 pandemic. Instead, he pretended that it was a hoax, and told people not to wear masks, resulting in more deaths than there should have been. His response to the pandemic was enough to get him impeached or at least “impeached” in the eyes of God. Rest assured he will never see Heaven when he dies, he will shoot straight down to Hell where he will be sharing a cell with his evil counterpart, Hitler.

However, the worst thing he did was to incite an insurrection at the Capitol, trying to overthrow the government and prevent the Electoral College votes from being counted and certified on January 6th.  Now he will go down in history as the only President to be impeached twice—this last one with seven days to go. How sad—and even if he somehow gets away with it in the Senate, it is still on his record forever. All our allies are over the moon about this wannabe dictator finally being out of office. Biden will rejoin the Paris climate accords, rejoin the WHO, roll back the Muslim ban, and stop that ridiculous “Wall” which was promised but never really delivered. He will hopefully make the vaccine rollout move faster and mourn with us during our time of sorrow.

Oh yes, yesterday was a wonderful day. Just to see him board a plane and slither off to Florida, was uplifting beyond belief. I pray that he never regains any sort of political control again and that he never receives intelligence briefings, as some other former Presidents do. I pray that our new President and VP will be safe. I pray that this red blot in our Country’s history will never be repeated and that we learn from this. But alas, it must be one day at a time. I am not so much a Poly Anna that I believe that it will be smooth sailing because it took four years to almost ruin democracy and so it will take a while to fix it. Our country will never be the same again, but hopefully, we will rise up and become the great nation that we still can be.

A New World

I wake up with the sunlight filtering through the venetian blinds, leaving shadows on the ceiling and walls. I have a strange sensation—not sure if it is good or bad—but something feels different.

Suddenly I bolt awake, sit up and look at the clock. OK, it says 7 am so that seems about right. What is it then—what feels so foreign and misplaced? Things feel wrong! I look around the room and at first glance everything seems in order—the furniture, pictures on the wall, the color of the room, the bedspread, so I start to relax, thinking that maybe I just had a bad dream. Yet I begin to notice some strange alterations. The pictures have changed some how—yes, they are animated—my self- portrait is actually talking to me and it seems perfectly natural. I go over and gaze out the window, at the huge glowing chatoyant sphere in the sky, changing shape and form—not a normal sun—almost like an eclipse. I turn on the TV, waiting with anticipation and dread for the latest negative installment of what has become a reality show day after day. It appears that there is no news on The One Who Shall Not Be Named, almost as if he is not even the Commander in Chief anymore, or ever even was. I change channels and cannot find any mention of this person almost as if he never even existed. I look on the Internet and find nothing but good news—no mention of ISIS or terrorists or investigation or collusion.

So now I begin to think that I must’ve died and I am living in Heaven—whew, thank you God. I wonder if they have IPhones in Heaven and what version—are they up to at least 7 yet? Six would be OK too, but come on—if they are operating only on the 4 or 5, this must be the other place—the place I always assumed I would end up in. Much to my relief, Heaven has kept up with the latest technology and they are operating on a new IPhone 8 and I get to use it even before those poor Earth bound creatures do. This also confirms that I am indeed blessed. But wait, shouldn’t I be seeing relatives who have passed on or Sweetie, or Parky (my sweet pet budgies)? Oh no, now an uncomfortable thought occurs to me—maybe this is NOT Heaven after all. So, then where am I anyway? Maybe I am in a sort of in-between world, like Purgatory, where I am being tested to see if I am worthy of moving upwards? I go back to my self-portrait in my bedroom, and start asking her what is happening and where I am. She says I am neither in Heaven nor Hell and there has been a shift since I went to bed last night. I am now living in another world which resembles the old one, but without all the drama and horror. I ask about my children, friends, pets, and she says they are also in this new world, but better. I am not lonely, my son is well, I am happy at last—that empty pit in my gut, which is always there has been filled. I look at my contact list and see that it is basically still the same, but I see my son’s name has been miraculously added. I call him and we have an amazing conversation about how well he is doing, and that he is spending the weekend with his son. He assures me that he will be coming to visit soon and we hang up with “I love you.” I call some strange name on the list which has been added and discover that he is my boyfriend and we are on for dinner tonight, at which we will be planning a world tour—one which we don’t have to worry about being bombed, shot, run over by a car, or knifed at the airport. That anxious, sick feeling that haunts me day in and day out is amazingly gone.

But wait, I ask my self-portrait, “What is the catch—there must be a catch? There has to be something I must do to have this perfect life—so what is it then? Oh please tell me, my other self!” She smiles and proceeds to tell me what I must do to stay in this utopia. I must be totally unselfish and not self-centered; I must not have to have the last word; I must get rid of all jealousy and envy; I must be grateful for what I now have, even if it isn’t perfect; I must accept things as they currently are, not how I wish them to be; I must look in the mirror and love what I see, regardless of imperfections; I must be non-judgmental and practice tolerance and acceptance of others. My Alternate Marilyn assures me if I practice these simple principles in my life from this point on I can stay in this perfect world. Marilyn tells me that I have a week trial-period and if I cannot change after a week I will simply wake up, things will seem the same, but my world will return as before and sadly I will not remember. Now I am frightened because I just cannot fathom my life the way it was—all that time, just thinking there was no other way to live. I know I can do this—I am determined to change everything.

I wake up it seems the next day, I turn on the TV and there is yet another investigation of our President, there has been a bombing in the UK with dozens killed and ISIS has claimed responsibility. The world is back to the usual chaos and I blindly accept it with a sigh and resignation as I drink my morning coffee because I don’t know any better. I don’t know what could’ve been because I am back in the old reality—the old world. My self-portrait looks almost the same except for the small tear running down her right cheek.

Hope

When I was a child in school, I heard a poem that stuck with me throughout the years, called Richard Cory. Somehow I always remembered it for the message. It was about a man named Richard Cory who was a pillar of the community, rich, handsome, refined, a gentleman, dressed impeccably, and seemed to have the world by the tail. Everyone would see him floating through the town, greeting everyone graciously, and envied him for his wealth and happy life. But the end of the poem is what struck me, even as a child for it seems that one fine Summer evening, he went home and put a bullet in his head. Somehow (and me included) people seem to think that just because you have acquired “stuff” you will be happy. Whenever you hear of a celebrity committing suicide who seemed to have it all, you scratch your head and wonder why. But even if you think you know someone, you never really know the inner workings of their mind and the demons they may be grappling with. Sometimes suicide may seem like the only way out of a seemingly hopeless situation. I think more people than would want to admit it have considered (even fleetingly) at some point in time, that the world is no longer a place they wish to inhabit. But my theory is that it takes more courage to keep on living than to take the easy way out and end your existence. Upon interviewing surviving POWs, who spent years in a virtual hell, imprisoned by the enemy, one thing became clear—that hope and a positive attitude got them through. The people who lost hope died. I know for myself, in my darkest days, if I get even one smidgeon of hope, it will carry me through another day. It is that “one day at a time” concept, so popular in all 12 Step Programs, that keeps you looking for the rainbow in the midst of never-ending rain.