February 8, 2013
I have been doing some massages lately. It is literally a balancing act. I find when I take my shoes off, I have better balance. But today I had a hot stone massage and I was worried since yesterday. First of all, I have to fill up the cooker, which entails bringing it to the sink and carrying it back. I had to ask one of the other therapists to do this for me. Then during the massage, I was nervous that I would lose my balance and fall in the room because you have to go back and forth to get the stones. It is much easier just doing a straight massage. I almost lost my balance once and it scared me to pieces but I caught myself in time. The whole massage I prayed over and over that I would not fall and I didn’t but I got out and told the receptionist to not book any hot stones for me at all until I am better. I saw the original doctor that I saw back in September and he actually took at lot of time to offer me some solutions. In addition, he is willing to explore more and thinks (as I do) that maybe, just maybe, the surgeon did not get all the areas decompressed. This is why he ordered a new MRI (I hope the insurance company pays for it) of the thoracic spine. I also still think that S1 is involved and he agrees. The surgeon I went to a few days ago told me there was nothing he could do but agreed to look at the MRI disk. As of this day, he has not done so. I need the disk to bring to my appointment with the new surgeon. Prior to the other appointment I was already planning to be told nothing further could be done, but he at least suggested that my weird symptoms in my stomach and back could be coming from the Thoracic spine. Sometimes it seems that I am getting very, very, slightly better (the belly does not feel as bad tonight) and my walking seems slightly better. Nobody at the spa has any idea that I feel so bad and that it is a miracle that I am able to do any massage at all. They say, “So, you’re back.” And I say, “just on a very limited basis.” I feel like a charity case when I am there and I get the impression that one of the new girls resents me. This little bit of work may dry up soon if the bookings don’t pick up, so we’ll see. I also have to try to believe that I will get better, eventually. But for today, I have to accept the way I am (but just for today). Tomorrow I have to tell myself the same thing; one day at a time.